The cliche in this abyss of mine
by nagihiko fugusaki
Summary: The name Luther has never been the greatest facet for love. People accuse and point without proof. My life is filled with insecurities and curing negative thoughts. I try to help the people in need but I can only hide behind the name anonymous. A certain blond breaks through all my walls in seconds into our first meeting with just a gaze. Will my life finally take a happy turn.
1. First Glance

First Glance

Every day I wake up and put up a new mask to cover up the old one. Every day I drink until I don't know where I am or who I am for that matter. Today surprisingly marked a change in the pitiful timeline of my dysfunctional life. A certain blond walked into my office I know right cliche right don't you think, well I certainly do. But when she walked in something in me seemed to spark into life, it's hard to explain ok so don't look for an explanation I can't give you one. I smiled involuntarily under that thick mask I put on every day. Not wishing to trust anyone but at the same time desperately wishing that someone brake through into this neverending abyss that makes me think I should never feel any shred of happiness simply because. Besides, my amazing track record of picking the right person is literally nonexistent. So I decided to put my guard up even more so because of the man beside her the infamous Superman that takes the name Clark Kent in this planet. But I would like to clarify that I don't in any way hate him or any alien for that matter. My brother got what was coming to him but my hand still shakes a little when I shake his. The fear implanted in me coming out sometimes unbearable to come over making me lose myself beeper inside myself. But my focus gets sucked up totally by the women behind him. Not by her beautiful face ok I'm that shallow but by those incredibly blue eyes that hide behind those glasses of hers that make me lose concentration in everything else except her. My brain sensing this takes over for me and reality finally hits me when Clark talked breaking the silence. Well more like he insinuates that I am responsible and that I am like my family. It seemed kinda childish to me but whatever maybe he is right to a certain degree anyway. But all too sudden they start to walk out and in the heat of the moment out slips a phrase I never thought I would say to someone, earnestly of course. " I hope this isn't the last time we talk" and the in seconds after I uttered that all I thought was how an utter fool I really was and negative thoughts lingering in my mind come out in full force but the subdued the moment I hear " I hope not either". In the next moment, my shoulders relax and my hand declenched from the pen that I was holding until my knuckles turned white. while the negative inside voices get overtaken by that simple phrase that is repeated like a record in my head. Making my day surprisingly easy to handle. The meeting seemed less dull and the enormous stacks of sheets of paper were made easier to look at. But while my drain didn't realize the questions that would soon appear in the night, as well as the lurking negative thoughts awaiting for me, didn't appear before me I could honestly say I was finally felt content even if I didn't know why and I felt I could live with it, well at least for right now I could.

disclaimer: I don't own form the show supergirl till the characters till its storyline.

This is my first attempt on pushing anything that I write on here and English is not my first language so please go easy on me. look forward to the comments if I get any and I want to ask to please don't put negative comments. I will simply ignore and erase if I can. thank you.


	2. The Million Dollar Question

when I get home that night I didn't

go for the bottle of scotch as I usually do. which is a miracle in its self trust me. I went straight into my room instead. while taking off every piece of clothing on my body leaving everything in my wake. My body working on auto not caring about the mess it made. The next second I ready a bath without thinking only realizing what I had done after I touched the scolding hot water with my hand.

I get in not minding the sting I feel when I submerge my whole body. I can slowly feel my tense muscles relaxing. The same ones I strain every day without mercy I tell myself. Slightly criticizing the ungodly working hours I put myself through. I even work until my eyes and mind become mush. But then I close my eyes and the only thing I can see is her. Seeing her occupying my thoughts throughout the day scares the shit out of me.

I only meet her once and she already has such a strong pull on me. The negative thoughts come forward again. Saying "she will never like you. you are a Luthor or did you forget." "you are worthless Luthor what can you really give that girl stop dreaming". I stop and think, they are right what can I really give her other than money. Surely that girl is not about that life. she wouldn't want my money so what can I give her.

I can only be a burden with all these insecurities and faults. Then I notice the water has all but turned cold so I get out momentarily stopping my thought process.

Drying myself and then picking out a nightgown to put over me. I lay there under the covers for a long time after that and when I finally dose of. The most important question that I should have asked myself before comes and hits hard. How will I talk to you if you are not a reporter? This was the thought I asked even when I was sleeping how worthless am I.

Disclaimer: I don't own the show Supergirl, the plot or the characters.

I tried to do everything the reviews suggested and I hope you like this chapter as well as the first one. thank you guys.

S.F


	3. Decision

The next day I woke up two hours before my usual routine. Enough time to think about a certain blond named Kara. Which I didn't like because I was setting myself up for misery in the future. My love life has never turned out good in the end. Everyone has at some point distrusted, disappointed or even left me.

But my heart was telling me to go for it. I didn't know what to do for the first time in my life. Me the multi-billionaire with an IQ higher than my infamous brother didn't know what to do. All I could hear in my head was laughter. And at that point, I could only look out my window and look out on that gorgeous view to distract me. But at that moment I felt that I was even more alone than when I was sent to that orphanage all that time ago.

But getting back to the main topic. when I got to the office and saw Jess there I reminded myself to get her a raise. It's also good to point out that shes probably the only person I can trust in my life right now. she is also the only person that has been there for me without questioning any of my decisions. But I also feel Extremely grateful that I found her when I did because she is also the only reason I am still alive today but that is definitely a story for later.

I pass Jess and I am about to enter my office when I say " Jess, look up everything you can about Kara Danvers from Catco magazine". But even as I enter I can feel the worry radiating off of Jess and even see the confused look on her face but she does it anyway like always. And after doing some finishing touches for that day I get ready to travel.

P.S.- Luckily for me, I didn't have to do a lot to see Kara. Unluckily for me, it would be when I was feet above the ground in a helicopter. But whatever at least I could see her in action. But yet again I wonder when I'll notice that it really is Kara behind that suit. We will just have to see, don't we?

Disclaimer: I don't own the show Supergirl and that includes storyline and characters.

Hello, my fellow readers, I hope my story has been good up to this point. This chapter for me for some reason was kinda difficult to write even though I don't write a lot in my chapters haha. And I also wanted to warn you that I am going to use Mon-El in this story and he will be an important stepping stone for kara. I didn't like how they portrayed him in the show and I would like to use him to build on certain characters while at the same time himself. But he will still carry those important facets to his character. Peace

S.F


	4. Blue eyes

I am sorry for being MIA for a while now but you know life happens. I don't like to make excuses so...please enjoy this chapter. Till next time.

S.F

My life wasn't always like this but as some of you know life sometimes treats you like shit and it doesn't apologize for it (laughter). And while I am sharing things I might as well say that at times I have this repeating dream of once warm arms around me and hear laughter in my ear but then(second of hesitation)(sigh) the very next second I am pulled into this black abyss that instantly hits me with this cold and empty feeling but I run and run no matter what. Desperately trying to go back to those warm and caring arms but after a while, I start to slow down and then I start to walk and before I know it I am balled up into a ball with no strength not even to cry my eyes out. I find out that I can't escape and I slowly but surely except all the things that come my way until it becomes normality. At that moment I recognize that I can't simply escape that wretched place but what I can do is face it head-on and that very decision is what brought me to this very moment.

I enter the helicopter with the feeling of dread seeping through me. Reminding myself that it is the safest way to travel and the fastest at the moment. I buckle up already used to the procedure. We start to depart but suddenly there is something coming in a are direction. I hear a " what the hell are those" from my side. I try to look closer and I realize they are drones but before I can even say anything they shoot at us. It was like if time had stopped right in front of me. I chuckled to myself thinking I course I would die in my least favorite place in the air in a helicopter. I almost died laughing from that very thought.

The next moment I realize I am still breathing and very much still in the air. I then see the red capes and realize not one but two supers saved me. I star at Supergirl the new superhero in the city floating there in all her glory. I can't lie ok, I blushed who wouldn't you would too if you saw even a glimpse at her. The two supers separate and I felt here wondering the fuck why but those thoughts disappear when I see Supergirl go down below once again at the whims of the person behind the drone. I clench my fist tried of the weekly assignation attempts on my life.

The drone fires and hits the pilot a million times wishing they had hit me instead. Lucky for them they hit the propellers and would see us go down with a flash. Finally, Supergirl appears not complaining, by the way, I would rather die in a way that doesn't involve heights. in my funeral, I would at least like an open casket so I can see any hypocrite that dares show up. But yet again that's my option of choice since it's like the last face-slap I would give confirming that even in death I am better in everything too looks to smarts.

And while my train of thought was somewhere else everything had already ended. Supergirl opened the door next to the pilot and I almost said a certain blonds name out loud and I couldn't understand why. "Supergirl" I quickly say but then she fully looks at me straight on and I freeze. Her blue eyes sucking me up blocking everything else well more like giving to shits but anything else but her surprising myself.

I quickly recover though and manage to say " Is he alright" " he should be alright Ms. Luthor"

\--I stood there reminiscing about the other day with a glass of scotch in my hand. The view of the National city giving me an escape of an older memorized sight in my head. Giving me a sense of relief of some shorts. I Closed my eyes and the next moment taking off my heels and lifted myself on the lege of my balcony. At that moment I see a pair of worried eyes in my mind but at that moment I didn't give a shit.


	5. Magnetic Pull Ch 5

what good am I really doing in this world? that my friends are a question that I constantly ask myself daily. But the question never has an answer at least not to me. Sure you can name all the things I have done like charity work and all the things I have invented for the greater good I tell myself because nobody else seems to think so. They only see the money that would go into there pockets and I don't blame them who doesn't like money. But here's a person that would prefer not to have any sure I could do anything in the world but nothing brings me joy. Why? Don't people say that money brings joy to themselves?

The wind hits my body making me shiver but I don't go down because this fear is the only thing that I would rather feel than the self-loathing I have to hide every time I see myself in the mirror. I don't know where this feeling comes from and I think I would rather not find out. I hear nothing it is silent which quite surprises me for a second. I close my eyes and let all my other scenes take me away. The city is beautiful don't get me wrong but the ugliness can't be hidden away so easily.

I don't know how long I stand there. Seconds, minutes, hours all of it seemed jumbled up. First, I heard the soft thud of a boot then I would I could smell a sweet smell of strawberry and something else mixed in that I couldn't figure out and then finally I heard her voice "Hello". The greeting was short but at the same time sounded sweet. I smiled a little but I still didn't open my eyes and it seemed that she was content to wait for now it seemed.

After a while, I said "what brings you by Supergirl" finally opening my eyes and turning to her. She smiled at me and I froze not knowing what to do I just looked out again to the city. " you know I didn't know if I should come here. I didn't feel like it was appropriate of me since we barely even know it each other." I sighed then looked at her with all my walls down and I could see the silent understanding underneath those confused eyes that were filled with worry. " Maybe you were right in your thinking Supergirl," I said with a cold tone but wishing that in reality, she would see right through me.

All I heard next was a noise of confirmation and I saw her floating above the ledge next. Then she looked at me and reached out her hand. Then I finally heard the horse sound in her voice and the red rims around her eyes. " Maybe just for tonight, we can keep each other company don't you think so Lena". My eyes watered and I looked down but I didn't feel fear for the first time in a long time I actually felt like I belonged. I felt this weird feeling of finally being complete. It started when I first saw her go through those double doors of my office and yesterday when she saved me and now right now.

I clench my fist on my shirt not being sure if I should open up after barely knowing each other especially when she doesn't know that I know her identity. Even if she could fool others she can't escape the reality of the flaws of her disguise. Those beautiful blue eyes for example. Memorized by her I put my hand in hers not caring about tomorrow nor the conscience of the action. She pulled me to her until there were no gaps in between us and the thought of fitting together so perfectly scared me shitless but I also felt comforted by that same thought.

she then said, " why do I feel like if I am not with you I am not complete you seem to make my heart and mind doubt my very existence until now, why is that?"

My eyes unexpectedly water up with tears and stream down my face and I choke on my own words all I could do is cry. She lifts her face to look me in the eyes and she inches forward again the next moment I can only think of the soft lips on mine that seems to convey understanding but uncertainty all in the same kiss. But it ends to adroitly not giving me a chance to respond so I pull her towards me again this time answering all her questions.


	6. Broken down

We floated there for what felt like forever neither of us wanting to break the spell we were in. But before hesitating she first game that dazzling smile of hers showing me all her pearly whites while then saying the next second " is that a yes to my request, Lena. I looked at her with a confused look while a second later it started to dawn on me. I raised my eyebrow while saying " I guess so, Supergirl" but then the next second I was treated to an intense kiss that had me gasping for air.

But of course, she wasn't out of breath like I was and while I gave her annoyed look she simply smiled at me while giving me an amused look. She then suddenly switched my position to bridal style earned her a yelp from me. She then looked down to me and said: " lead the way, Le". Moments later when I finally registered what she said I looked up from my hiding place between her shoulder and neck. and I was treated to the most beautiful sight that was Kara. The moon itself giving her the right amount of light while heightening her already beautiful eyes giving me a sight to behold while mentally capturing it while I still could.

The only thing bringing me back to reality was the sound of my frantic beating heart. The next moment I coughed to hide my embarrassment while silently thanking her for acting like I wasn't just staring at her like a deer in headlights. We arrived at my penthouse instantly making all the lights to turn on. I looked at her and then she walked me over to my hand scanner that was on one of the tables. At that moment I wanted to say something quirky but when I looked up at her it instantly got caught right in my throat making me swallow it. Kara at that moment had the look of outer sadness gone was the girl that was full of sunshine that I first meet that fateful day.

Gone was the girl that was full of power and righteousness that was Supergirl. At that moment in front of me was a normal girl that was left uncovered by whatever happened before she meet me on that balcony just moments before. I signed for her to put me down but she didn't budge until we were inside in the middle of the living room. Because the lights were dimmed I didn't have a clear view of her face. But I could tell she was crying by the silent sobbing I could hear from her direction. I went to wipe away her tears with my hands and started to cry myself when I could finally see that same broken down look I see in the mirror along with that hate I carry for myself.

I went on my tiptoes even with my heels put on to give her a kiss. It wasn't one of those filled with desire or want or even love but one of those that portrayed that I would be here when she was ready to talk. After that, I stayed there with my forehead on hers meeting her gaze with one of mine. Showing the understanding that we so desperately needed at that moment. So we didn't break any further from thinking we were alone in this feeling of ours.

Sorry for only writing on the weekend's guys but I don't really have any time during the week so I think this will become the norm for this story. I am still in school and I work and other things take my attention away from this story but I am almost done with the next chapter just need some adjustments hope this ties you over for now.

S.F


	7. Blurted Out Feelings

A thank you invaded the silence. we slowly separated not wanting to show how desperate or how much the necessity of the touch was too us. Even if we barely got to familiarize with it just a few moments ago.

In the end, we're just looking at each other trying to figure out what the other was hiding under all those controlled emotions. Trying to communicate without words because the words were unable to come out into the open plus any words they knew in all their vocabulary wasn't satisfactory to any of them. It wasn't enough to tell the other what was bubbling under their skin.

The last of her fingertips left my touch and instantly my body felt empty without it. But I didn't protest I didn't show how much I was becoming addicted to it. I just put my hand on my side. The silence after was not deafening instead it made me feel at home in some weird way. Taking away a little of the cold that tried to swallow me.

But I notice an unsettled kara looking every were like if she was looking for a way to escape. Before I could think my body just reacted on impulse and I grabbed her hand and intertwined them while also squeezing to reassure her. Then I realize where she is staring and I become flustered while also becoming red as a tomato.

But I was broken out of my thoughts when she suddenly kissed my hand and pulled me close to her once again. All I hear after that is ...

Thank you, Le words can't describe how much your touch alone grounds me at this very moment of turmoil. I wish I could tell you everything but it feels like there are no words in the vocabulary that I know that could express my exact thoughts and demons. I know I am moving to fast. I would have liked to have waited for until whatever this is clarified into understanding and not be clouded by insecurities and other peoples opinions. I wish I could have held on a little longer but I almost lost myself and before I knew it I was by your side on that balcony. wanting to tell you how much my heart aches when I realize I can't simply reach out and hold you until your pain vanishes. Or how much I die inside when I see you drink yourself into a dark abyss. I just realized my world is cold without you.

I just realized my world was empty and how I was trying to fill it with fake relationships and false ideas and hopes. I don't want to continue living without no purpose. I know this is a lot to take in Lena. but I hope you can forgive the eavesdropping of your life and decide to give me a chance to make your world full of love and memorable moments that take your breath away. I wish you let me erase all the labels and lies put on you. I don't want to wait anymore. Today made me realize I shouldn't wait to feel loved to feel complete again in this unforgiving world that we live in. we can it slow if you desire I won't push you but I want to have you in my life. I want to be able to reach out at any time. I want to disappear this unknown wall between us stopping us from reaching out.

There was silence all I could hear was our heartbeats. I hugged her a little tighter trying to memorize this feeling of warmness that envelops me and fills me up. Not willing to forget just in case she didn't give me the chance to ...

hey, everyone I sorry for the late chapter.

I won't tell any excuses.

to clear some things up I am actually a high school student about to graduate and go to college. Class of 2019. (Eagles)

Hope this chapter was worth the wait.

S.F


End file.
